into the depths

There was a time I thought I could swim
I'd float to the center
and stay there awhiles
I would close my eyes and do backstrokes for miles
until the waves illuminated the moon
and the surface felt cool as stone.
I'd skip all the way home,
stoned by the mercy of the tide.

But really I've been drowning
drowning, drowning down.
I've been here so long,
inches beneath the surface,
watching as cracks form in my memory.
I've been here so long,
lips parted,
drawn to the finesse of that last breath.

I want to let my lungs fill with salt
and watch as
The colors of my skin all run together.
I want to lay my body down
and rid my bones of heavy burdens.
I want to know you
and I want you to know me,
inside and out.